These past few weeks I’ve felt heavier. Not necessarily in the physical sense (that is its own can of worms I will circle back to sometime), but in that I feel my whole life weighing down on me. I’ve been incessantly reflecting on everything I’ve done, places I’ve gone and left, moments I’ve relished in, and people I’ve met and cherished and said goodbye to or let drift away and feeling both incredibly grateful yet not fully fulfilled. There’s not much time when I find myself alone with nothing of substance to distract me from my own thoughts. Sitting in your childhood bedroom whilst on the precipice of real adulthood grappling with a host of increasingly pressing uncertainties about the future and myself is rather disorienting, to say the least.
Despite the stark discomfort of this stillness and mundanity, I’ve decided to harness this petite crise into creating a digital journal. If you know me, you know how much I’ve always loved to write. These days, I just can’t seem to get down to writing just for the thrill of it; everything feels like it has to be done with some great driving purpose of enlightening others or for external validation when in reality it should just be a cathartic outlet. It becomes stunningly easy to sacrifice bona fide authenticity on the altar of supposed perfection. If I want my journal to be a genuine, unadulterated account of my thoughts, I must accept that it will inherently be imperfect.
As such, I’ve decided to flesh out the little ruminations I hastily jot down in my notes app from time to time into more intelligible, fully-formed entries. I write sporadically in chunks ranging from phrases to paragraphs which I then piece together how I see fit, creating something resembling a mosaic of text usually ridden with tangents and loose ends.
I’m excited to carve out this little digital space for myself to ponder, muse, explore, and self-reflect (in circles) to my heart’s content. If anything, I hope it’ll serve as a living record of things I’ve done, consumed, marveled at, learned, or found meaningful in some way. Hopefully, those who read will find tidbits from each of my pieces that resonate with them as well.
Low and behold, my chamber of (not-so) secrets, I’m so happy you’re here <3
